Benji's Adventure

Also written some weeks ago… Still at school xD

Hey guys. Once again, a boring lamentation. No, you definitely shouldn’t have come here. Too late, now

Once again too, after half an hour of test, my copy is empty (for what i wrote…) and i’m bored, and sad, and for the less … unhappy. This time, it’s math. Last week it was biology, and physic too. And the worst thing is that the 3 important class, the 3 who rreally matter (and i really don’t agree) are … gues wich ?? Right : Math, biology, PC…I’m screwed. All in my life, all connected to me sucks. I try to be happy, but soon or later, i made all wrong.

 

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The only thing I want in my life is to die.

The only thing I fear more then all is … to die.

Oops. Seems like I’m stuck. It sucks.

Got screwed again, huh ?

So, here i am. Terrified by death, because i understood what’s after. And it makes my life so bad. Add to this all the problems in my life that makes me feel in the wrong place, in the wrong time, in the wrong body. I feel wrong.

I use excuses to explain my school results. Bad ones. Excuses, and results. Since something like 5 months ( my brother’s suicide try. perfect excuse.), to help all my problems, all my sad thoughts, a brand new one came. As we say, “the more we are, the more we have fun !!” I can found a lot of excuses again, but these are just supposed to explain to myself, to allow myself to stay this way… It’s so easy to do nothing… I just cann’t get out of those problems. There are too many, and i just feel too weak, too “anormal”, too different, I don’t even want to be on that world. And if death wouldn’t have been my biggest fear, I’ll be dead since long, long time ago… What an irony…

 

Answer to the question you might me thinking : Yeah, if you wanna be on my blog (and here i loose my last follower…) you’ll have to go through those periods of depression … xD i’m sorry , but it seems like i’m not going to have a lot of fans, here ^^

This text is dedicaced to Joe, Austin, Josh(s), Cuchu, Pilgrim, Sporky, Sam, Storm, …., ll these milkboys i know (and not really, in true), or i’d like to.

Written 2 or 3 weeks ago…

It’s 11:08am. I’m at school. Physic Test. From 10:30 to 12:30. I’ve finished, and i took my time. Nerved, angry against myself because i cann’t live again. It’s so easy to stay in that depressed state, in wich i don’t do ANYthing… I’m just killing my future. I’m afraid of death, but i’m killing myself, slowly, painfully. It would be so simple, to start working again, to know what to write in these ******* tests… But it’s easier to stay the way i am, without doing anything  useful. Cann’t have any happy thoughts. Looks like Peter Pan’s not gonna fly this night. Still waiting for his Wendy ?? Or maybe it’s more a lost boy he need ? Who knows ? And maybe live with this difference doesn’t help him a lot too… What can he do, if all the persons he truly needs, he truly loves, are so far away ?? 

One Day, i’ll travel a lot, and then, i’ll come to see all of you, one by one, ’cause i miss you.

One day, i’ll live the life i wanna live, in the place where i wanna ben with some characters of this story i wanna be with. I need to go through this, and for that, i need you .

Oh, and here is a beautiful one. A peter Pan, i mean …

So. Here’s the thing. I have a boyfriend, thanks to MilkJosh, and thanks for his sites, milkboys, milkboards…

 

So, i became more … happy, and i changed my mind about it

I guess it will make more time for us to speak about this, Sam, huh ??

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“I. The End 

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II. A Beginning (IV: A New Hope ?)

 

To Be Followed…”

 

Woaw. I did it. I finally did it. Hey guys, what’s up ?? =D