Hi . Sorry if i haven’t been online much lately, i’m feeling REALLY down atm. I’m quitting school, and everything in my life is falling appart. And i want to end all of it. it’s scary, though. Come what may, anyway.

I’m considering making some travel to get some air, you know… I may go to Deutschland, or  UK …
Even if i know that its not gonna solve any of my problems ><

Anyway. I’m in Marseille now, for the week, and i’m probably going back home in Paris soon. I’m currently reading  the Time Traveler’s Wife, and i began to watch a new serie : The Vampire Diaries ^^

Oh, and i  made some coloured crepes ^^ First time i put food coloring in crepes xD and the result was quite… surprising ^^

I took a picture to show you my “blue crepes”, among other xD

See you soon !!!

9:09am and 9 seconds; – une demi seconde. i mean, half a second. Teacher speaking right now. “Is the child the father of the Man?”. I’m thinking about what im doing. I’ve got some depression. Its growing, day after day. “Language isn’t done to comunicate. Explain it.” I screwed up last year. I’m beginnig to repeat those mistakes. Seeing some close family in depression, a sibling trying to commit suicide.

Now its worse and worse. And i’m not in the right class. Definitely not. I’m not ready enough. I don’t wanna grow up that fast.

“RAWWWWWRRR. It was a 2 meters tall guy. I knew i was dealing with an excessive guy.” What the hell is ths philosophy class about ?? This teacher tell us his life omg O_o.

Anyway. i don’t know what i’ll do in a week, in a year, in my life. And the worst thing is, i don’t care anymore. Living, dying… it’s just a matter of time anyway…

I think i’m in love. I think i may be in love. And now it’s the 9/9/09, 9:09am and 9 seconds, and “i find it kinda funny, i find it kinda sad, the dreams in wich i’m dyng are the best i’ve ever had”

If all was so easy, if you only loved people who loves you back, who know you back, with whom it’ll work, and not hurt you…

I stopped time for a second, but that’s all i can do.

9:09:09… 9:09:10… 9:09:11… 9:09:12…

That’s weird, still. 9/9/09 at 9;09;09am, that was the very exact time it was, when i realized this, watching my watch, in this philosophy class…

And then, before i can even realize it, it’s already gone.

Life goes on, and there is nothing Peter Pan can do about that.

O_o

Benjamin.

Anyway, i’ll see how things are gonna happend now, because its not, definitely not, as usual… i cann’t go back in the past, and now, i’ll have to go through what’s gonna happen next. sorry, its not really clear ^^, but  i don’t really wanna speak ’bout that right now :p

Anyway, to each of you, going on here, i say thank you, hi, and especiallly to mirrorboy, as its one of the few i feel better when i speak to, especially these days. :p

See you !!!

Life continues (Found in the same site ^^’)

OVER… D:

Anyway, 2 importants things, the first one, i’m still in a bad mood/state,

:’(

the second one, i saw Inglorious Basterd, wich i can qualify as maybe, the best film i have ever seen in my life ^^’

The music was completely fitting the film, and the spirit of Tarantino was so deep into every scenes, i could barely think about anything else than it. Wich is rare, especially these time, when even in cinema, my place of peace, awful thoughts came to join me. This film was completely fitting the principe of a movie : Make you think about something else. And what thing ! xD

Killing nazis… It was really joyful ^^For once, you can release you anger, your hate without feeling too much guilty haha ^^

Anyway i’m gonna see it again tonight, say me what you thought about it if you want ^^

Woaw… i’m just weird xD it must be because of what im going through ^^

Anyway, <3

I could see the moon, the north star, and lots of stars, in the sky… but i couldn’t find hapiness…

I had a really bad night. I can stand life any more. The “good” news is that, i finally accepted the idea of going to a psychiatre. I’ll mabe have some medicine, and finally be happy again… who knows…

I argued with my parents, again, but today was different, i wasn’t at home, i was at my cousins’ home, in a city i don’t know, especially at night, and i ran out, still.

I don’t know how i did it, but my feet bleed… anyway, its 7am, now, and i just came back home, more depressed than ever.

Two facts : 1) i cann’t wait to have those medicines or whatever.

2) i cann’t stand this place, especially with my familly. I need to come back to paris. i don’t want to see their face, staring at me…

Anyway, life sucks, as usual, but i’m still here… sorry for you guys ^^’

See you…